The Pain Of An Emotional Affair

Tommy had long hair, played guitar, and was a good 15 years older than me.  I liked him a lot from the get go.

Of course I didn’t want to sleep with him at first.  In the beginning we were just as colleagues.  He would give me tips and tricks for handling clients, and when I realized his advice was pretty good I started seeking out his guidance.

Then, gradually, things got personal.

When I told him about my emotional issues, Tommy had a lot of great insight.  After all, he was older.  He had been through divorce and remarriage and knew a thing or two about relationships.   More than that, he was gentle and understanding towards me, and validated my feelings when I desperately needed it.

At home my marriage was devoid of emotion.  If we weren’t discussing schedules,  my husband was picking at me almost like he was trying to find things wrong.  I would receive verbal smacks on the hand for forgetting to get the mail, but never get credit for tasks like making dinner and cleaning the house.   It was like he was blind to all the things I did day after day for our family, and instead picked at what wasn’t perfect.

Tommy became my cheerleader.   He complimented things about me my husband never noticed.  My small victories at work were celebrated, and then he started praising me for me.   He told me my slight southern accent was “charming” and he noticed when I wore something new.

After awhile, I started falling for him hard and he responded in kind by becoming more touchy.  His hand would graze mine when handing me a pencil and he would touch me on the arm during conversation.

Things got worse.  Not only did he start hugging me every chance he got, he began to tell white lies and exaggerating his own accomplishments which, oddly enough, endeared me to him even more.

Of course I started imagining his lips on mine which lead to daydreams about having him screw me in the supply closet and following me out to my car to have his way with me.

I knew nothing could truly happen.  In fact, life with him would be a disaster.  I liked the guy, but there was too much of a disparity between our ages and our backgrounds.  He was rock and roll, I’m a Bach Cello suite.  Even if both our spouses were swallowed by the earth and we were free to be together, the relationship would be short lived I know.

Fortunately, before I could have an affair, my husband took a job out of state and we moved 500 miles away.

At this point,  it’s been a year since I last laid eyes on Tommy.  I don’t think of him every day, but occasionally I dream of him and everything I felt while I was enamored with him comes flooding back in a wave of sexual excitement.

I honestly wonder; if I had a physical affair with him instead of an emotional one, would it have made a difference?  Would I have been able to get him out of my system?  If I knew what I was missing and didn’t have to use my imagination, would it have made my suffering go away?

• Pain of an emotional affair
• pain of infidelity