Covid: A Modern Day Witch Hunt

Last week I put on a gross, coffee stained mask I hadn’t washed for a week and went grocery shopping. I counted 25 people not wearing masks and was happy to see it. I thought maybe, finally we were rounding a corner with these ridiculous mandates. That people were coming to their senses and this whole masking thing would finally be eradicated.

What happened is the store doubled down. I went to the same place a week later and over the loud speaker heard “For the safety of you and those around you, please wear a mask secured over your mouth and nose at all times.” I only counted two people without face coverings that day.

These mask mandates are ridiculous.

The reality is, if you are over 70 years old or in poor health, worrying about the virus makes sense. In that case, taking precautions is probably smart. Maybe think twice before attending crowded events, and wear a mask if you are going out in public. If you are under 20 and in good health, the chances of getting struck by lightning on a clear day are higher than getting the virus. Healthy Adults 20-70 have a greater than 99 percent chance of survival, and if you have no preexisting conditions, the risk is far less.

It’s mind bogging. I don’t know anybody personally, or even heard of anyone outside of the internet bubble who has had the virus and died or had to be hospitalized. The only people are random internet commenters who are irate anyone would question the virus. That their wife/husband/grandma/grandpa/aunt/uncle etc. had the virus and died so I need to take this very seriously. They also say they had it and were now experiencing blood clots, heart problems, breathing problems and anything else you can possibly imagine, all due to the virus.

Literally nobody I know in real life is aware of anyone who has died of or had complications though. No family, no friends, no Facebook friends, no coworkers, no clients (and I’ve asked!). They’ve all been “lucky.”

What’s more ridiculous is that that number 220k is thrown in our face daily as a reminder of just how deadly this virus is. Far more people died in the Vietnam war. Also, looking at any given year, about 2-3 million people die annually in the United States. 2020 is not over and above the death toll, which means people who are dying of the virus were already in bad health and would have died anyway.

Staggeringly, people blame President Trump for this. I don’t understand it. It’s not as though any other countries are faring better. Actually, some are, and they are the ones that are don’t have mask mandates. That means more people got sick early on and now the curve has flattened. What do the people want? He’s not superman able to fly around and stop an invisible threat. He closed all travel to Asia when the democrats said not to, (because the virus originated from there) and we are on an unprecedented ridiculous lock down right now to the point that kids were out of school for months on end waiting for a vaccine.

This is probably the stupidest argument ever. Consider that when vaccines come out, some people have bad reactions. If we force the vaccine on everyone and the rushed through vaccine causes some people to go into anaphylactic shock, we could kill more people with the vaccine than Covid ever did. Also, in some cases a shot makes you more susceptible to other disease. Those who got the regular flu shot in 2008 were more likely to get the swine flu. Whose to say this Covid Vaccination wouldn’t make people more susceptible to the regular flu, or malaria, or HIV?

All in all, Covid has got to be the most over blown, over hyped hysteria in history. I’m sure we’ll look back on this like we do the Salem witch trials. Thinking a dirty mask smelling of dark roast and chocolate is going to save humanity makes as much sense as “if she sinks, she’s a witch.”

The Inhumanity of the 2020 Covid Lockdown in US Prisons

I’ve never set foot in a prison, but have a friend locked up in the state of Virginia.

When we first began writing back in February of this year, my friend assured me prison wasn’t the horrible sink hole I’d been lead to believe it was. He basically said it was boring but livable. There were programs available during the day. They had a limited but functional library. There was also rec time, art classes, a music room, and a seperate cafeteria where they got their food. In fact, it sounded as though it was set up a lot like some kind of poorly funded community college where the students all had to dress in the same unflattering shapeless outfits.

Things seemed to be ok until mid April when one of the prisoners came down with Covid. An officer contracted it, passed it on, and that person was taken to quarantine.

That’s when things took a definite turn for the worse. All inmates were issued masks. They were told to wear them at all times, hand washing reminders were issued and the guards would take the units out one at a time to get their lunches in the cafeteria. All programs were cut off so inmates spent the majority of their time in their units. Still, it didn’t seem so bad. The whole world had locked down for two weeks back in March to “flatten the curve” so they were told it was temporary. It would only be a few weeks until they could get back to normal. The infected person would be quarantined until their Covid test came up negative, and then back to normal.

At the time my friend was annoyed because of the mask. He was of the opinion masks did nothing and were stupid (he was a pathologist on the outside so I trust his judgment). He said it was a virus, and it was going to get out no matter what was done. That the whole thing was silly and stupid, and the world had gone mad.

By July, things had not gotten back to normal. In fact, they had intensified. The lockdown was total. The officers restricted all movement. Inmates were no longer allowed to go to the cafeteria, and the food brought to them was peanut butter and jelly sandwiches or possibly bologna for days on end. The inmates were confined to their units 24 hours a day. The temperature was set at around 60 degrees to “keep the virus at bay” and all inmates were subjected to mandatory temperature checks.

My friend was terrified of going to quarantine. Cases at the low had reached 200 or so, and he was fearful of being taken somewhere and locked in isolation unable to access to his family and friends via the phone and e-mail.

At one point, he said he had a horrible headache behind his eyes and he was genuinely afraid it was Covid. He was taking Tylenol by the handful to ensure his temperature stayed down. It was stressful having to submit to it, and likely humiliating having to submit to having it done as a doctor who knows more about viruses than anyone else in the building.

As of right now, the prison is still on lockdown. The inmates are still unable to get fresh air and vitamin D or any exercise at all.

The irony is, the cases are staggering. Yes, a lot of Covid cases were reported, but nobody died. There was one death at the compound, and the man was elderly and in bad health. Yes there were a lot of cases, but there were no deaths, and certainly none wildly out of the ordinary. In any given month, there are deaths, only this time, the deaths were reported as Covid-19 deaths and nothing else.

Covid-19 has wrecked a lot of lives, but for most of us, it’s been inconvenient. For prisoners, it’s been a living nightmare.

Cosmic Forces At Work…

It’s hard to know what draws you to one person over another, and why some relationships stand the test of time and others don’t. Sometimes people enter for a short amount of time and leave, others imprint on you and are there for life. I sometimes wonder if there are cosmic factors that come into play with things like this, and if sometimes you meet people for a reason.

I met someone in back in college who has stayed with me over the years and feel as though he entered my life now for some larger purpose I can’t understand. He was a senior and I was a sophomore. We hit it off. I liked him and thought he was funny, but he didn’t do much for me romantically. I thought he was interesting though. He had a different way of looking at things, and I enjoyed his point of view, so we talked a lot and became friends.

Over time, he fell in love with me, but I never had romantic feelings toward him. For one thing, I found him physically unattractive and for another, he never had much empathy towards me. It was always me listening to and validating him. I guess I didn’t see the signs, and I ended up breaking his heart into a million pieces before he left for medical school.

Though we never connected romantically, he always kept in touch to some degree. He called me a lot his first year of medical school, then less and less. After awhile, he would e-mail every so often, and I would hear from him about once a year. During one of those conversations he told me my old phone number was the security code for his house. He said he also used it for some machines in a lab where he worked as a doctor. He asked “Is that weird?” I told him I was flattered. Clearly he hadn’t forgotten about me, and I even felt a little guilty that he had never married when I had found a good partner and even had a child.

Then, back in March of last year I had a dream about him. He was in a basement with a bunch of other men watching a horrific act. I didn’t know what it was, and it bothered me, but he was smoking a cigar and enjoying it immensely. Could it have been women getting strangled? It was something like that. Like he was a member of an underground club where horrific things happen. I didn’t know what it was exactly, but it was something sexual and bad. Something deeply disturbing. I woke up distraught and couldn’t shake the image.

Eventually I went about my life never thining the dream was significant. I didn’t forget it, but chalked it up to being just a bad dream. My friend was fine. I had likely watched something disturbing on TV (though I wasn’t sure what that was) and projected it onto him.

Then, last year I got some of the most devistating news of my life: This guy I knew, and knew very well from hours and hours of conversation, was in prison for child pornography. He had been arrested in March around the same time as my dream.

I felt like I had been punched.

For at least two weeks it was as though I had pulled up an innocent looking rock in the garden to find hundreds of snakes pour out from under it. Black, venimous snakes deep within the earth and I felt sick.

When I looked him up and found his mug shot, charges, and a bevy of articles detailing his case, I cried. It looked as though he had been involved with illegal pornography for at least as long as he had lived in the state of Virginia. There was also a news story painting him as a horrific predator and the subtext of everything I saw or read was that he was a complete scumbag.

Of course I understood how people would feel that way, but on the other hand, I knew the guy well. It hurt me to think of him as someone to be feared when I knew his story and background. He had trials in his life and had been hurt by people that were supposed to love him. He was misunderstood. All the other guys who had been arrested for the same thing were the bad people. He was a doctor for crying out loud. Hadn’t he done more good than harm?

After the shock wore off, I realized it wasn’t a total surprise. There were little clues here and there. He had always been fixated and obsessed with sex, back in college he talked about pornography in a way that suggested I couldn’t understand and he had never married or become romantically attached to anyone. This despite the fact that he was a doctor making hundreds of thousands of dollars a year and I’m sure many women would have wanted to get their hands on that.

Of course I had to get in touch with him.

I wrote him a heartfelt letter. I expressed how I felt, and told him I loved him. That I was sorry he was in prison. I meant every word of it.

Still, the dream haunts me. Were we connected so deeply I knew he was in trouble when it happened? Did we meet so that I could have compassion for him now? Sometimes I think there are forces in our lives beyond our control…

The Racist Pick For The Democratic Party VP

It pisses me off Kamala Harris is the VP pick for the Democratic party.

She didn’t earn that spot. If she wasn’t a BLACK woman, there is no way she would be the position she’s in. The BLM people demanded a BLACK woman be in power, so Biden lined up all the BLACK women remotely qualified for the position and decided Kamala was the best BLACK person for the job. Not because she is good, it’s because she is BLACK and can “act BLACK” (even though that’s supremely racist).

She got to the spot she’s in because of the color of her skin and the way she imitated Claire Huxtable. Period. Maybe a Chinese person was more qualified for the role? Or maybe a white woman? It doesn’t matter. The most important thing about a person, (according to Democrats) is what color they are. Character content is clearly irrelevant.

What’s really concerning is that she’s unprepared to do the work of Vice President.

If you look at the debate she did with Mike Pence a few days ago, she clearly lost big time. It was like putting a heavy weight against a hundred pound weakling. Pence won. He was able to bring down the hammer hard, (though that admittedly was in part due to the fact that the Republican party actually makes some sense) but did it in a way that evoked a compassion and caring for the American people. Kamala by contrast was arrogant, rude, and she would try to land zingers that came off as mean for the sake of being mean. The worst part was she had absolutely no game plan or any ideas for how to make things better than the way they are now.

Of course the Democrats can’t accept Kamala was unprepared, rude and a horrific debater. They explain away her ineptitude by saying Mike Pense was mansplaining, rude, a white supremacist, and a misogynist. In reality, he was nothing but polite. He said please, congratulated her on her VP nomination, and was nothing but a perfect gentleman. He disagreed with her, but it was a debate. If he didn’t disagree, there was no reason for him to be there. In a debate, you are supposed to argue. Mike Pense laid out the Trump agenda, and did it in a way that wasn’t demeaning on a personal level. He was a pro. Kamala looked amateurish by contrast.

I don’t know that any of that will matter. The narrative is black people are oppressed, and the only solution for this is to slam Trump for the sake of slamming Trump.

The truth is, Trump has done a wonderful job in office. The Democrats can’t go after his economy, so they attack his handling of Covid. I don’t know that anyone could have done more than what he did. If he had shut down the economy in March, he would have been skewered for it. He did ban travel to China, and we had 200 thousand deaths rather than the projected 2.2 million deaths. I am not sure what the Democrats think he was supposed to do. He’s not superman, able to fly around and prevent the virus from infecting anyone.

The Democrats have made this not very deadly virus seem like an epic plague. The virus itself is not that dangerous, yet Democrats insist on locking down, closing businesses, and keeping kids out of school. In reality, the virus is only threatening to people already at life expectancy. Yes there is a small risk of dying from it, but there is risk for everything in life. If hospitals weren’t paid literally millions of dollars for having patients with Covid, cases would plummet. At this point, you could have died from a car accident, have some antibodies left over from a bout with Covid, but your death would be counted as a Covid death just the same.

Another narrative out there is that trump is a racist. I’m not sure where this comes from. Is it because he offered jobs to black Americans instead of hand outs? He has denounced Racism time and time again, yet I suppose because he doesn’t have a running mate of color, that makes him a racist.

I suppose we’ll find out in a few weeks what will triumph. Will it be racism and putting people in positions of power simply for the way they look, or will it be common sense?

Feeling Nothing on the 19th Anniversary of September 11th

When 9/11 happened, I was at grad school in North Carolina. I walked from my apartment to the music building where I was greeted by a guy who almost certainly had a crush on me. He said something like “Did you hear? They blew up the world trade center!”

I went into the music library perplexed, logged on to one of the then state of the art computers and saw a picture of one of the twin towers billowing in smoke. I was shocked right along with everyone else. The next thing I knew, someone was telling me classes were cancelled, and I went back to my apartment to watch the news.

By the time I returned, the other tower had been flown into. I remember my fiancee called to make sure I was ok. So did my parents, and a few other friends. It had been a devistating blow for everyone.

Only it wasn’t for me.

In the aftermath, I watched as candelight vigils were set up on campus for the evenings following the attacks. Councellors were made available to us for help if we needed it, and there were numerous “moments of silence” everywhere I went from church services to music theory class. Everyone was mourning. Everyone was sad. Everyone but me.

I felt hollow about the whole thing. I looked around and wondered if it was an act people were putting on. I didn’t understand how those who didn’t know anyone personally involved in the tragedy could be so emotional about it. It didn’t make sense.

Intellectually, I understood it was a sad event. People lost their lives and the US was attacked. It wasn’t anything to celebrate, but even so, I wondered if it the display of emotion was all for show. That people knew the correct response was to cry and host services to further put up a display of sadness, so they simply went through the motions. I felt as though the response to the tragedy was an overreaction to what happened.

Even now, 19 years later, I want to feel something for the victims of 9/11 and wonder why I don’t.

On the flip side, I certainly feel pain and empathy for people I know personally. About a year ago, a friend of mine was incarcerated and that tore me to pieces. Another time, someone I knew was hospitalized after a psychotic break, and I was absolutely beside myself. When people come to me and tell me their problems, I’m right with them, and even have the ability to feel along with them, but for whatever reason, the 9/11 tragedy leaves me feeling…well, nothing.

I wish I knew why…

Still, the question begs to be asked, does it matter how I feel, or does it matter what I do? If I gave money to the 9/11 relief fund, is that just as good as if I truly felt something and gave money? If I go to candelight vigils and tried to feel something, is that better than if I didn’t try at all?

I don’t have the answer…

Black Live Matter Is A Joke, and Most Americans See It Now

For years, I’ve hated the BLM movement.

I’ve always felt calling someone racist without any evidence of them having done anything racist is ridiculous. That just by by virtue of being white, you are somehow inherently against blacks makes no sense.

It angers me even more to see rich black people argue racism is everywhere and America is a deeply racist place when they have millions more than I ever will. The most petty example of this is when Michelle Obama stood up and gave a speech proclaiming that she experienced racism because somebody cut her in line.

That was unreal to me. People cut me in line at least a few times a year. It’s a universal human experience if you live in the modern world. Maybe the person doing the cutting just found out a beloved family member died. Maybe they were just rude and would have cut anybody. Maybe she was standing in such a way that the person didn’t see she was in line. Being cut in line could have any number of reasons that don’t involve racism. Racism is not the default. In fact, it’s deeply narcisistic of Ms. Obama to think the entire world revolves around her and her skin color.

The NFL and NBA make me sick as well. Here we have all these millionaire sports stars taking knees and shutting down games, for what? To elevate criminals?

I hear over and over and over again: black people are hunted by the police; yet in every instance I’ve heard about during the pandemic where a white officer shoots a black person, the person shot is A. breaking the law and B. Very dangerous. People don’t look at the evidence though, they simply assume the police saw a black man and decided to shoot.

It’s sickening that George Floyd has been elevated to sainthood. When the toxicology report came out, he had enough fentanyl in his system to kill an elephant. The knee on the neck didn’t help, but he died of an overdose. Fentanyl depresses the system and causes air passages to block. That’s what happens when people OD. To make things worse, the police were very polite to Mr. Floyd, up until he resisted arrest. Of course after the fact, we find out Mr. Floyd was a career criminal who had spent time in prison for drugs and armed robbery. The mainstream media glosses over that.

In the case of Rayshard Books, I find it unnerving how anyone could watch the tape of officers shooting this man when he actively tried to resist arrest and tase a cop. To make matters worse, this man had a warrant out for his arrest and was drunk driving. The man was passed out behind the wheel of a car. Again the police were very nice to him. They spoke to him in a very polite manner and treated him well up until the point that he resisted arrest. Jacob Blake too was a criminal who was allegedly under the influence and had a warrant out for sexual assault. He was shot because he went for a weapon under the seat of his car.

I have no idea why these shootings have inspired violence and rioting. It makes no sense at all. In every instance, the men shot were horrible people who should be in prison. These are men that black people called the police on. They aren’t good guys.

I saw on a left wing television show lately that stated officers are required to have 8 hours of psychology training, and about 200 in weapons and protection, and only 6 weeks of classes when they attend Police Academy. This is a half truth and makes it seem as though any idiot can become a police officer. Yes, this is the training you get in Police Academy. However, in order to be considered eligible for the Police Academy in the first place, almost all forces in the United States require an associates in law enforcement training and many places require a bachelors to get started. Police officers do have to take conflict deescalation and psychology, and a lot of it. They don’t simply breeze through a `6 week course and handed the keys to a squad car. It absolutely doesn’t work like that. The Police Academy is simply to get you acquainted with laws and procedures in your area. Officers are also required to attend continuing education courses throughout their service.

Of course, any hint that the police is wrong and criminals are right (so long as they are black) is ignored by the media. They keep selling the narrative that black people are horribly discriminated against, and any article to the contrary is thrown off Google or Youtube. They are doing the same thing with Covid-19, stating that anything offering a perspective other than gloom and doom for the country is censored.

Fortunately, there is some hope. Trump is ending funding for race and ethnicity training at the federal level, and most people are glad about it. Most Americans are tried of being told they are racist when they aren’t, and most black people are tired of being seen as victims who need kid gloves and hand outs from white people.

Why Are We Stopping The World Because Of Covid-19?

I have received five emails in the last month asking if I want my son to go back to school or do online classes.

It’s like the school system wants parents to demand the schools stay closed. They want everyone cowering in their homes.  Everybody should stay inside sanitizing doorknobs and wearing masks and gloves to go to the mailbox or even open the door.  They are somehow convinced the virus is going to come down the chimney or through the vents and cause instant, sudden death.

They can keep sending forms, it won’t change my mind. Each and every time they have sent out the survey, I’ve voted to have my child go back to real school. It’s really hurting him to be home. He’s bored, can’t see anybody his own age, and is watching 8 hours of TV a day because his Dad and I are busy working. What about him slipping into depression and video game addiction? Isn’t that a problem just as serious if not more so than a virus that only kills about .03 percent of those who get it?

Fortunately, tomorrow is the last day the survey can be completed, and Thursday it will be decided once and for all if it’s “safe” enough for kids to go back to school.

People act as if there were bodies lining the streets. I’ve seen so many articles likening this virus to the medieval black plague. As if people are falling victim to this illness as quickly as though they had been shot. Here one minute, gone the next.

It’s not true.

Yes, it’s horrible a few people experience a bad outcome, but look at how it affects those who can’t social distance or use hand sanitizer.

I have a friend in prison right now who is a Pathologist (or was), so I have first hand information about what’s going on from his perspective. Basically, everyone has it. Oh they take temperatures and only test those who have a fever above 99, but the entire compound has symptoms. Strange headache, aches, cold like symptoms. They all have Covid-19, it’s just that most either have mild symptoms or no symptoms at all.

A good indicator the virus in rampant and not really that deadly is that most of the tests done on the compound have come back positive. At this point they have tested around 200 people at his facility and more than 3/4ths of the tests come back positive for Covid-19. Funny enough, they’ve had zero Covid-19 related deaths at the particular facility where my friend is, and there has only been one death in the entire compound over the last five months. If this was a horrific killer, more people would have died. First responders and attending physicians would be six feet under. Criminals would be roaming free as nobody would come in to work in order to avoid certain death.

I will say, I do know one lady who does have Covid-19 and is currently in the hospital on a ventilator. It is awful, but she is around 60. She’s overweight and has some underlying conditions so she was never the picture of health to begin with. I do feel horrible for this woman. It would be awful to have to go on a ventilator and be drugged up with Fentanyl just to be able to breathe, but this happens in a minority of cases. 99.7 percent of people survive the virus, and the vast majority experience only mild symptoms.

The world has gone crazy though. When I log on to my piano teacher group, you would think the virus was certain death. People are putting up plexiglass walls. They are quarantining their mail, adding outdoor hand washing stations, and sanitizing the life out of their studios, that is if they dare to teach in person at all. It is absolutely ridiculous if you ask me. In reality, there is little you can do to keep a virus at bay. It’s a virus!

So what is the bigger picture? Is it the election? Is this really just to keep Donald Trump from winning? If so, it’s a horrible prank thing to pull on the American people. We’re sacrificing our well being, our jobs, our livelihoods and everything else over a few people who might get the virus and have a bad reaction?

I don’t understand why we don’t aggressively quarantine those with health issues and underlying conditions and let those of us who are healthy get back to work and school. Yes, a few people are going to die of Covid-19. People are also dying in car accidents. Do we ban cars? People have been struck by lighting as well. Do we ban weather? I simply don’t understand. It’s like mass hysteria has gripped the nation.

Finally, I saw a “please pray for my friend with Covid-19” post.

The full caption says “Please pray for my friend with Covid-19. She is on a ventilator and in bad shape.” The picture below shows a woman relaxing on her couch. She is wearing a sweatshirt and looks to be around 40 years old with a short, salt and pepper haircut. I would guess she majored in music and now works for the symphony. Probably a single lesbian with 5 cats who enjoys watching Netflix and downing a half pint of Ben and Jerry’s after work.

Don’t get me wrong, I am sorry this lady has the virus, but the words are confirmation this thing is out there. Before now, I was skeptical anyone had it at all. Everything on my Facebook news feed was about wearing masks and “flattening the curve,” but absolutely nobody I knew had it. Up until now, it was simply out there in the ether, despite the fact that I have over 500 “friends” all over the world.

I still haven’t changed my mind about the mask though. The mask is nothing but a virtue signal and could quite possibly cause bacterial lung infections from wearing it. I’m also not convinced in the slightest the mask works because in the beginning, the CDC recommended NOT wearing a mask. It seems very suspect to me that all of a sudden, this organization changed it mind.

I mean, wouldn’t extensive testing have been done on masks before the Covid pandemic?  You know,  for people who have to wear them around those who are really sick? Tests done for nurses and doctors exposed to horrific pathogens more deadly than Covid? I’m not buying it that we didn’t think the mask was effective then, but now it is. Not just surgical masks, but ANY facial covering.  Scarf,  paper towel…doesn’t matter.  It just has to be some type of covering to appease the mask vigilante.

Another thing I’ve noticed, is even when I’m at work, (I decided to wear one to teach in order to put my students at ease), I find myself touching the mask all the time. I constantly fidget with it. I’m pulling it up and down, and when I can get away with it, I pull it down from my nose so that I can actually breathe.

Funny enough, people seem more comfortable when I’m wearing the mask even though I’m quite sure I’m transmitting more germs than I would without it on in the first place.  I mean I’m constantly touching the grimy piece of material that I’m sure is teaming with all kinds of unclean filth.

To be honest, I still think the virus is mostly overblown. That the statistics have been manipulated, and that the vast majority of people don’t end up on a ventilator and have their lungs turned into Swiss cheese.

The fact that it’s taken 4 months for me to hear of anyone remotely in my circle of friends and family getting this thing is telling, and I can’t even say for sure this woman I’m hearing about is a true case. I believe the same thing I did before the panic. Don’t be stupid and wash your hands. Take reasonable precautions, but don’t alter your life to accommodate something that will likely not result in anything more than mild symptoms for the vast majority of people.

The Karen Thing Is Not Ok

I have seen so many articles and YouTube videos proclaiming the “Karen” phenomenon NOT hurtful. That it is in no way a racial slur. “Karen” is an attitude. She is the privileged white woman with the asymmetrical hair cut. The one wearing capri pants in Starbucks complaining to the manager. She calls the cops on black people for minding their business, and refuses to wear her mask at Costco. Most of all, she votes Trump so she’s fair game.

But what if we all agreed to call black women “LaKeisha’s”?

Not every black woman…just FAT black women over 40 years old. The loud ones that have blood red nails proclaiming “I don’t do dishes,” a three foot long weave, and a shirt cut in such a way to expose a faded boob tattoo that seemed like a great idea back in 98. She also complains to the manager, is always has to be right, hates Trump but isn’t registered to vote.

I would be fired from my job if I suggested such a thing.

Why, you ask? Because of white privileged. When you are born white, you get a card that has a million dollars on it and a country club membership, so you have no right to speak up about anything. The system is totally for you. It’s been rooting for you all your life. Therefore, you better sit down and shut up. If you don’t, you’re a “Karen.” If you are black, of course you can say whatever you want. The system is against you, so a black person’s feelings are more than justified in ANY situation. If black people are offended, it must be offensive. If white people are offended, they need to shut up or “take a joke.”

With this type of hypocritical thinking it makes me wonder if ever anybody has ever been to Kindergarten.

In the lowest grade levels, you would never allow name calling. Even if the name wasn’t meant to be offensive, you wouldn’t allow it because of hurt feelings. If little Billy is offended somebody called him a “firetruck” or the color “orange” and his feelings were hurt, you would tell his classmates to stop, no matter what color Billy happened to be. Nobody should be made to feel less than just because of how they look or what age they are. Hurtful language is hurtful. If people are offended, it makes it bad.

The fact that “Karen” is a real name to countless woman doesn’t make it any less horrible. It only brings hurt and shame to the people named Karen. I feel bad for these women. I also feel bad for the little girls who are named after their grandmother’s who have to bear the brunt of this. It’s not fair, and I don’t understand the hypocrisy of those who insist it is ok to call one ethnic group names, but not ok to do it to others. Maybe some people should go back to Kindergarten.

Prisoners are Not Good People

When I was in college, I met a guy. He was overweight and not very attractive, but (shallow as it might be), he was studying to become a doctor so I decided to go to dinner with him.

The dinner was ok. Sure he was smart, and could be funny, but there was an underlying creepiness that put me on edge. Even so, he was going to be a doctor, so I told myself I was being ridiculous. Maybe the creepy feeling had more to do with me than him, so I went out with him again to find out.

I deluded myself for maybe three more dinners and a walk in the park, but eventually I followed my gut. I knew if I waded into the waters much further with him, I would be signing up with a relationship with someone who wasn’t safe, so I decided to move on.

Well, I would have moved on except that this guy was in love with me. So, either out of pity or probably more because I liked the attention, I talked to him on the phone. I decided I could keep him as a friend. Friends are always good to have, and as long as he knew we were never going to be an item, it was ok. After all, he was smart, and had a very different viewpoint of the world than I did and gave a unique perspective on things.  I could have a friendship, couldn’t I?

We talked a lot on the phone from January to May; in fact the only thing that really got him to stop calling me was his going on to residency in another state. After that, I talked to him less and less, and eventually found a boyfriend that I genuinely did like and felt safe with.

I still heard from him though.  Over the next 20 years, he would contact me sporadically, and when he did he was mean. He would taunt me on social media, and say nasty things referencing my “twat” and “crotch fruit.”  In fact, it got so bad I blocked him from being able to see my posts.

Still, sometimes he could be nice.  He would call and tell me things like he still remembered my old phone number.  That the last 4 digits he routinely used for security pass codes.

Then one day last October, I found out he was in prison for possession of illegal pornography.

It wasn’t for one picture accidentally downloaded either. He had been accessing the stuff, full movies for five years; the entirety of time he had lived in New York state. He had likely been accessing this material for decades.

It took me awhile to digest the fact he had done this horrible act. In fact, at first I made excuses for him, but after coming to terms with it, the pieces fell together and I knew it was true:  He was a pedophile.

There had been little clues the whole time.  The way he had talked about porn as if I couldn’t quite understand (despite the fact that I certainly watch my share of X rated material) and the way he told me he had once been arrested, but wouldn’t say what for. Looking back, I always knew there was something he wasn’t telling me. Some kind of weird kink he had that was underground. Like a secret society I would never know about.

When I felt I could, I wrote him some letters. It took him awhile, but he finally responded.

For the most part, we picked up our relationship where we left off.  I never asked for any explanations, but he tried to tell me he was on drugs. That he had a stressful job, that people do horrible things when under stress.

I didn’t believe it, but I also didn’t judge.

Still, I wonder if he can help it.  If this is who he is, or if rejection by women or maybe by society in general pushed him into watching such distasteful sex acts.

What shocked me the most though is he’s mean sometimes and nice others just like he always was. He’s smart, sometimes funny…and I still feel that underlying evil is there just below the surface.

In some ways, my heart breaks for him. He has lived alone for 20 plus years. Reading between the lines any actual sex he had not watching pornography was with prostitutes or women who were just after his money.

What’s weirder is he claims to have a fiancee, but the details are strange, so I don’t know how much to believe. He claims she is hyper sexual, can’t get enough of him…but then has sexual relationships with women.  She’s also long distance, hasn’t visited him in prison yet, and is too busy to write or take his calls very often, and has gone MIA for six months at a time.

I’m really not sure of what to make of this relationship, but I feel in some ways it’s a cover.  He’s telling me he has someone so I won’t feel as though he wants a relationship, but she’s not close, so I’ll continue to contact him.  Then again, maybe what he tells me is true, and I’ll be attending his wedding when he gets out.  I don’t know.

In any event, I think I’m done with him now.

Now I’m at a place now where I dread checking the mail.   Truthfully I’m afraid he will have written. I don’t want to hear from him anymore. Maybe there is a good person in him somewhere, but the bad part has won out, at least for now. I do believe people deserve second chances, but he hurt children.  What’s worse is, because I can’t predict his reaction to anything I tell him, it directly hurts me as well.

I don’t think I’ll be writing to him anymore for the time being.