Signs Of A Commitment Phobic Person
The term commitment phobia gets tossed around a lot like “ADD” and “bipolar.” Just like the other two pop psychology terms, it’s become a way for people to rationalize failures in their lives without having to blame themselves. It’s a way to avoid admitting you were a “Ms. Right Now”rather than a “Ms. Right.”
In reality, true Commitment phobia is a rare. It effects .0001 percent of the population and stems from childhood experiences where the primary caregiver is unwilling or unable to bond with a child in his or her early years. As it can happen to both men and women, and as it is a difficult problem to overcome, it’s best to recognize the signs and let the person go before years are wasted in a push pull relationship that can be extremely painful to get out of. Here are some signs of true commitment phobics:
A Perfect Start
The commitment phobic will be completely charming at the beginning of a relationship. They’ve had so much practice getting people to like them, they are masters at reeling people in. Did the relationship seem almost too good to be true at first? Did he or she declare there is something special about you before they knew you? Did they seem to understand you like nobody else ever has?
If a person is truly interested in a long term relationship, they will be weighing what you say in the beginning very carefully to see if your beliefs align with theirs. Commitment phobics only want the chase and beginning stages of a relationship so they don’t necessarily care more than superficially about what type of person you are. Subconsciously they don’t want you long term, so they are less apt to care if your religion or education matches up with theirs. They see your company as temporary and will say whatever it takes to get your attention for the moment.
FaceBook Use
Is the person reluctant to add you on FaceBook, and is their use of it sketchy? Does he or she use an alias or hide behind a business and can’t be found easily? How about friends, are there only a few? When he or she does post, are statuses impersonal and infrequent? If so, the person could be trying to dodge people from his past—like numerous exes.
Age
Of course commitment phobics can be any age, but if he or she is older than 35 (or worse 40) and has never had a significant relationship lasting longer than a few months or a year, he or she likely has a problem. Of course the person will have excuses for why they never married or lived with anyone a long stretch of time: they were focused on career, moved around a lot, they were taking care of someone sick, etc; but in the grand scheme of things, it’s just an excuse.
Obsessed with how they look
When people are in a relationship and feel safe they generally let themselves go a little. It’s not to say they don’t care about appearance, but don’t worry as much about their waistline, their clothing doesn’t have to be on point, and they may not do their hair on weekends because they are with someone who values them for more than looks alone. The commitment phobic person never feels secure enough to truly let their real self be known so they are always in dating mode. They will continue to go to the gym, whiten their teeth, be interested in waxing, and won’t have desert after dinner. Not that you can’t be well groomed in a relationship, but these people don’t ever change their habits even a little bit to show they are comfortable and moving towards something more permanent.
Moving Around A Lot
Commitment phobics tend to change addresses and hold jobs where they can control things on their terms. Did they move in with an ex only to move out a month later? Did the person live in an apartment for awhile only to find a million things wrong with it and move when the lease was up? Commitment phobics tend not to stay in one place for too long and find it difficult to commit to a job or living situation where they have to really nail themselves down.
Lots of Exes
This one is fairly obvious, but if the person has a string of exes, it’s very likely the person is commitment phobic. If someone admits to having a different boyfriend or girlfriend every six months or so, that should be a neon light over their head announcing you should not to get involved. If the person is in their late 30’s or early 40’s that goes double.
All in all, it can be very difficult to spot a commitment phobic before it’s too late, but if you pay attention to these signs, it can save a lot of heartache before you get too deeply involved. Good luck in life and love.
Pieces of Me 