Last week, my husband lost his job.
I don’t know if he was fired or laid off, but they are giving him four more weeks then requesting his resignation.
Needless to say this sucks.
Sure, my husband has a few leads, but it takes awhile to find something. There are preliminary interviews, face to face interviews, and then there is the uncertainty about where we will end up living when he does find a job. No joke, we’ve lived in four different states and one other country in the last 10 years. We’re leaves in the wind, liable to end up literally anywhere: Boston, Texas, China, Israel…we could wind up anywhere I guess.
Even worse? I might be pregnant.
This is in no way welcome news. I didn’t want to try again, but my husband convinced me to play Russian Roulet with my body yet again. Russian roulette because pregnancy almost certainly for me means a miscarriage in about four to eight weeks. That translates to another fucking D&C operation but with no insurance this time.
I’m not simply being pessimistic because I miscarried once. I WISH that was the case. Nope, I’ve had the distinct privilege of weathering four miscarriages and undergoing three D&C operations already. There is a HUGE chance I’ll lose the fifth baby.
In fact, because I have had such issues with pregnancy, I’ve been going to a fertility specialist who recommends I go on some hefty (and expensive!) medications after a positive pregnancy test. Something called Lovenox to keep my blood from clotting since none of the other medications have worked in the past.
Of course the doctor isn’t sure the medication will work either. They can’t find anything wrong with either me or my husband so it’s just a shot in the dark. Something to do so I’ll at least say I tried something different this time. The end result could be going thousands in debt for the medication and still have to go through another miscarriage. A double blow. One to my emotions and another to my wallet.
I guess I’ll know my fate for sure tomorrow when my period is due.
Right now my boobs hurt, I have cramps, and I’m praying to God it’s PMS. I can’t bear to take a pregnancy test. I am simply not ready to face the music.
Pieces of Me 
Ok, I stumbled upon your blog and commented on your other post before this reading this one. I know this was four days ago. Hope everything is going well because now I’m on pins and needles waiting for an update.
Thanks so much for commenting! I’m thrilled someone not only read what I wrote but had something to say. I did get a positive pregnancy test, and I’m sure I’ll detail my drama in future posts..
Good and bad issues to come then. Keep your head up!